Score:
- Taste: 1 / 10
- Texture 7.5 / 10
- Presentation: 6 / 10
- Ingredient Quality: 7 / 10
- Structural Integrity: 8.5 / 10
- Affordability / Ease of Access: 3 / 10
- Final Score: 5.6 / 10
*The following review was made before the identity of the pizza was discerned and therefore was reviewed as a "Mystery Pizza".*
Additional Comments:
This is probably the worst tasting pizza i’ve ever had. If it wasn’t for the good texture of the revolting crust this entire pie would be a wash. This pizza made me want to become a worse person. I’ve had bouts of suicidal ideation more enjoyable than the one slice of pizza i managed to get down my throat. At this point i know what you might be thinking: “Danny, you’re making this pizza seem like it’s a pagan artifact formed from a blood oath between the devil and a really hungry little guy who didn’t know any better, but the score is a 6! you’ve rated pizzas worse than that!” and to you, reader i say this: i know dude. literally breaks my fucking heart giving this pizza anything other than a negative fucking thousand, but unfortunately the categories in which it excelled are much more objective than taste and relate less to the enjoyability of the palate and more towards the convenience of the physical eating experience. I’ve had pies that compared to this taste like if the very essence of pizza itself busted on your tastebuds, and yet they can’t hold their own weight on the slice. This is the reasoning behind the unfortunately “high” score. Please understand that i would rather have to lick clean a spoon covered in dog shit than eat this pizza again.